My friends and family who are going to this read will probably think something along the lines of "has she lost her marbles"?! Well NO, I have found them.
When I was sixteen years old (sorry I did not record the date I have never been very good at writing down dates and stuff) I met God (really knowing who He is) for the first time. Yes I used to go to church, but never really understood much about anything. Did not read my Bible, can't really remember that I prayed much, but I did pray some. I am not going to go into my family life, but will only say that in my parents house there was no love for me.
God called me then already to do things for Him and I would have to lie if I had to say today I remember exactly what it was, but I do remember it was big. However, I ignored God and His plans for me for reasons that are not so important now, but one was that I wanted to get married and have a family. Well that does not sound very ambitious does it? Well a wife and a mother is just as good a job as any, mom's just don't get recognized enough for the role they play.
Back then I had no self-confidence and I was very shy too. So life went on and I got married when I was 20 years old. Not because I had to, but because I wanted to (even though I was very scared of this road ahead). Ok that's it now with the story of my life........
Life went on and I am still married for 22 years this year to my best friend and soul mate and we have 3 spectacular children. In this time I have never accomplished much and whatever I could or should have done never came to pass, because I was so busy being a working wife and mother and forgot about my dreams.
Over the last 4 years God has given me back my dreams (in my mind). Some of them I don't remember, but maybe they are new, because I had wasted so much precious time.
We have been going through a very though time for those of you who don't know yet. I have asked friends and family for prayers which we know have been sustaining us. In the meantime we are living from day to day with little bits of cash (in form of donations and our little computer business) coming in to do the necessary with. Buying bread and milk, petrol for the car and electricity. God has been faithful and we are still in our house and we still have our vehicles, but it is critical to the point where the owner of the house we are renting wants to sell the house and our car well lets not go there.
We have given our requests to God asking Him to somehow give us the house we are living in and that our vehicle debt be paid of or that we can pay it off ourselves. We do not know what God's plan is, but we know He is working on it.
Just an example a very small account was written off the other day and it was not even outstanding for more than a month. Well you can say what you want, but I believe with my whole heart that was God looking out for us and I believe that He is going to do more miracles for us.
We have our own business and most of our work is for government. Unfortunately our income from that side has been on a hold from March this year and yes that is it.
We have had Word from God regarding changes that had to be made in our lives and we have started doing so and we know God has begun a work in us that is not yet complete. A couple of weeks ago I went before God and said. "God please use me". Well we all know the phrase "be careful what you ask for, because you might just get it". We know that God answer's prayers and yes He answered mine. God has taken me back to where I believe He wanted me to start so many years ago. From that time things have gotten worse for us financially and not better. He provides for us on a daily basis, but only for that day. Tomorrow is another day. He does tell you that in His Word too.
Last week Wednesday I was having a really emotional day and felt that I could no longer take the strain of everything that is happening. I cried the whole day. Not loud or anything like that. I would sit in the car at school waiting for my son and could not stop tears from just rolling down my face. My son asked me mom what is wrong and not wanting to upset him I smiled still with tears rolling down my face and said nothing I'm ok.
When I got home I went and watched a dvd by Joyce Meyer and she was talking about our struggles and how God teaches us things and takes us through trials to teach us. One of the comments she made was that right in the beginning of her ministry she also went through a very trying time similar to what we are going through. She also said that one day she was very emotional and cried and was complaining about their situation and God said to her - 'YOU ASKED ME FOR SOMETHING BIG! DO YOU WANT IT OR NOT'?
I was making notes while she was talking and heard her saying it, but did not register (still sitting their with tears rolling down my face). Immediately after she spoke I heard God's voice saying those exact same words to me! 'YOU ASKED ME FOR SOMETHING BIG! NOW DO YOU WANT IT OR NOT'?
( it gives me a lump in my throat every time I think of it)
I suddenly realized what I had asked God for and that there was no more turning back. God wants to use me, but first I have be an empty vessel for Him to restore so that He can use me. I need to be emptied out of all that is in the way of what God wants to put there. God cannot use you if you are full of "junk".
Where I have started in the meantime is doing this daily blog and I will continue doing it until God tells me to do something else.
I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord
Lord please help me to do something DYNAMIC for you today!
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